Salvador
by kikigirl1482
Summary: A young ensign on board Discovery is suffering. She feels alone and helpless. The last person she'd ever thought would even notice her comes to her rescue.


Salvador

Disclaimer: Captain Pike and Star Trek, Star Trek Discovery and the whole Star Trek world do not belong to me, they belong to Gene Rodenberry, Paramount and CBS. Ensign Jerica Jordan is mine though, I created her.

Note on title: Salvador means 'savior' in Spanish.

Summary: A young ensign on board Discovery is suffering. She feels alone and helpless. The last person she'd ever thought would even notice her comes to her rescue.

Ensign Jerica Jordan stared up at the ceiling in her quarters listening to the snoring of her roommate. Grunting in irritation she turned over onto her side, staring out the small windows at the stars. _I hate you. I hate you because you can sleep. _

It wasn't so much anger or hate she felt right now. Clouds of other emotions flooded and muddied up the anger. She wished she COULD be angry. Instead, her heart pounded fast up into her throat. Her body was sweaty, her hands slippery as she reached for the glass of water on the night stand. She brought it shakily to her lips, taking a gulp, hoping the water would somehow cool her off, stop her heart from exploding out of her chest. It didn't work. Nothing worked. She couldn't stem the overwhelming fear that she felt all the time. It was worse at night and in the mornings.

She attempted to take deep breaths that she hated and personally thought didn't work at all, even though her past therapist had told her they would help. She gazed gloomily out at the stars. _Emptiness. Nothing. The void. _She heard the words whispered in her brain. That's what space was, empty and void, well, until you got to a planet. As it was though they happened to be in the middle of nowhere and the stars couldn't comfort her, she couldn't see their light. Only the darkness made itself present.

Jerica was on this ship. Alone. It felt like that, anyhow. She was surrounded by stars of people, worked and communicated daily with them. She shouldn't feel lonely, but she did and thought of herself like one of the stars out the window, so many of them but too far away from each other to touch. It had been difficult for her to make friends on Discovery. Part of it was her own fault. Or possibly it was all her fault. People did try to get to know her, inviting her for drinks after her shift. She would tell them she'd love to, 'but, I'm sorry- I need to work on this or that' excuse, then politely decline and retreat to her empty quarters.

_It's my own damn fault I'm lonely and everyone thinks I'm a recluse_, she thought. _They must think I'm such a weirdo. _A dark cloud of self-loathing filled her, and she sat up, thinking. There was a reason for her excuses, she knew. Deep down, under the hardened ice of self-hatred, she knew it wasn't her fault. There was something that had lived inside her, since childhood. The thing that made her palms sweat and body shake, her heart pounding so much she often felt like vomiting. The scariest thing was—it wasn't even an alien that had invaded her body. It was her. Anxiety. She hated the word.

Deep down she knew she needed help, needed to see the doctor, get therapy, go on meds. It wasn't that easy. Nothing came easy to her, and the thought of going to see the doctor made the panic rise in her like a raging tide. She couldn't take it anymore, she was helpless there was nothing she could do. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe…

Hot air flooded her lungs as Jerica fought to take a breath. The room felt overwhelmingly heavy, thick and burning, as if the environmental controls had abruptly gone offline. _I need to get out of here, I need to get out of here, I need to run._

Tears flooded her eyes as she lept off her bed, barefoot and clad only in her pajama short and t-shirt combo. The terror that flowed through her was so real that she couldn't care less if any crew working the night shift saw her in this state.

She tripped in the darkness and took the glass of water down with her, heard it smash into bits on the cold barren floor. She felt a spike of pain in her left foot, now her right, but kept going. She didn't feel the sharp stinging pain of the glass that was embedded I both her feet, driven by pulsing fear, she just ran. She didn't know where. She just ran and wasn't going to stop until something or someone stopped her. As luck would have it, something did.

She wailed as she collided hard with something, the impact so forceful it sent her flying to the ground. She landed hard on her back, the wind knocked out of her completely. Any breath she had left in her was gone. What had she run into? It wasn't an object. It felt soft, warm. Yet solid and strong.

"Woah!" A strong bold, yet somehow comforting voice echoed in the corridors. "Oh my God, Ensign, are you alright?"

Jerica was just getting her bearings, her vision starting to clear. Her chest heaved up and down and she was breathless. She couldn't answer the voice. The voice felt familiar, soothing, and she felt her heart beat slow a bit.

The body that the voice belonged to kneeled carefully beside her. Soft fingers took her hand gently.

"Jerica? Just breathe for me, it will be okay, do you know who I am?"

She looked up and saw the face that the voice belonged to, his clear blue eyes gentle and full of concern.

It was Captain Pike. Captain Christopher Pike.

Wait—he knew who she was? By name?

Dear God, she'd nearly knocked over her captain! Embarrassment began to flush through her.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but before she could speak, Captain Pike spoke.

"Jerica, it's alright, it's just me, Chris. You're going to be okay." He soothed gently and squeezed her hand.

Jerica, finally feeling there was an anchor somewhere in this sea of dread to save her, squeezed onto his hand and started whimpering.

"I'm so-so-sorry Captain, I didn't mean—"

"Shh, it's not your fault, I should have been watching where I was walking. I hope I didn't hurt you—oh no, you're bleeding," Pike winced at a large gash on her forehead that was most likely a result of their collision. "We need to get you to Sick Bay, can you sit up?"

At the mention of Sick Bay, the tiny molecule of anxiety which had dissipated came flooding right back in waves.

"No, please," she gasped. "No sickbay, I'm… I can't…. please."

Captain Pike had been with Starfleet long enough to recognize a panic attack and breakdown when he saw it. While she did need help, Sick Bay could wait. He had medical training and could patch up the wound on her head, and her feet, he noted. He wondered how that happened. He felt a sadness overcome him. Something was very wrong with this young woman and he'd failed to notice it. She was a member of his crew. His heart lurched at the pain she was feeling.

"We don't need to go to Sick Bay, I can take you to my quarters and patch you up. How does that sound?" He asked gently.

Jerica nodded her head slowly, looking up into his eyes. Those eyes, a sea of pale blue and kindness. He smiled down at her softly and she knew right then he truly was a good man. She wanted to reach up and stroke his face, put her arms around his neck. The worst of the loneliness and anxiety was not having anyone to hold her at night. He had such strong arms and yet she knew they'd never laid a violent hand on a woman in his entire lifetime. All she wanted right now was to be in his arms.

In the rare moments she'd seen Captain Pike she would feel a warmth inside her and get butterflies in her stomach. She respected him as a Captain and had known from day one when he'd spoken to the crew that they were all in good hands.

She tried to sit up but the adrenalin that had gone through her left her weak her she sucked in a loud breath and began to fall back. She felt a set of strong arms reach out and grasp her arms, slowly lowering her to back to the ground.

She couldn't sit up, let alone walk. She was scared.

She reached up and grasped his bicep, looking into his concerned eyes.

Tears trickled down the sides of her face, she'd never felt so helpless before.

"Captain, I can't sit up…. I don't think I can… walk."

Pike stared down at her paling face and eyes that were starting to close. He was disturbed at how weak her voice sounded, and he wondered if she was in shock.

"I'm going to carry you, is that okay?" He probed gently.

Jerica nodded her head, and she felt one strong arm slip under her back, the other under her knees, as he lifted her up against his strong chest. She didn't hesitate to slip her arms around his neck and lean her head into his soft shoulder. Her body filled with warmth as she felt his soft breath on her face. His touch had calmed her to the point that she could fall asleep in his arms. She gripped him tighter and clutched at his shirt, burying her face in his chest as her tears soaked his shoulder.

She felt his arms tighten around her a bit more. "It's alright, no one's going to hurt you, I won't let anyone hurt you." He murmured into her hair.

Captain Pike walked into his quarters holding a sleepy Ensign Jerica Jordan in his arms, relieved that no one had seen them. It wasn't like he was doing anything wrong, but it may have looked odd to onlookers.

He felt an urge to protect this woman. To comfort her. He didn't know why, exactly, because he didn't know her too well, but what he had seen, he'd liked. She was good at her job, smart and intelligent, and when she smiled it would light up a room. Maybe it was in his DNA to look out for women, he valued and loved them. He just felt something different about Jerica.

He set her down carefully on his sofa, propping her up against some pillows and went to grab a blanket and med kit from his bathroom.

He returned to see her head lolling back, eyes closing. He felt slightly panicky, rushing back to her side. "Jerica! You can't go to sleep, not with this head injury, stay awake for me, okay?" He cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. He pulled out a tricorder and scanned her, her wounds were superficial and there didn't seem to be any internal injuries or concussion. She was also not in shock.

He removed his hands from her face and sat back looking into her sleepy eyes. His voice took on a serious tone. "Ensign, did someone hurt you?"

She didn't answer.

"Here, let's fix up these cuts on your feet and head, I'll have you good as new." He smiled at her. He saw her attempt a weak smile but saw a shudder go through her body.

"You can tell me, don't be scared, I'm right here. I promise you, they will never ever hurt you again."

She shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"No Captain, no one hurt me. It's me. It's my fault."

Pike sat back, a little shocked, then shook his head. "Whatever happened, it's not your fault, I can see how scared you are, I promise you I will help you and you can tell me."

She swallowed hard and began whispering so quietly he could hardly hear.

"Can I…hold…your… ugh…hand?"

He nodded and gripped her hand, taking it in both of his. "Of course."

"I have anxiety, really bad anxiety. I…I can't bring myself to go to the doctor because it scares me really bad. I can never sleep at night…I have night sweats and tonight, I felt trapped in my room like I couldn't breathe—I really couldn't breathe, and I don't know what to do." She broke down into sobs as the last few words left her mouth.

She collapsed sobbing against his chest.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do."

Captain Pike felt like he might be breaking some Starfleet Protocol, but he really didn't care because this woman needed help and it seemed she didn't have a friend or anyone to help her. The desperation in her voice killed him.

He scooted forward then pulled her into his arms, embracing her protectively as she cried into his chest, her arms wrapped around his body as she gripped him and held onto him as though her life depended on it.

"Shh, shh, it's alright, it's going to be just fine... I'm right here." He soothed.

He cradled her in his arms as he rocked her gently back and forth, holding her head to his chest, stroking his fingers gently through her soft hair.

"You'll get through this—we'll get through this. I will help you through this and won't let you down. I'll take you to Sick Bay tomorrow, okay?" He murmured softly into her hair.

He felt her body tense and rubbed her back gently.

"Don't worry, I'll go with you and stay with you while we talk to the doctor. Together."

She released a deep sigh and he felt all the tension seemingly leave her body as he continued to hold her in his arms.

He rubbed her back again, then slowly released her from his embrace, still holding onto her shoulders.

"You are welcome to sleep in my bed tonig—." He stopped himself, realizing in horror how that sounded.

"Without me, of course! I'll take the couch." He added nervously, his face reddening. He hoped it didn't sound too weird or creepy that he'd offered up his bed, but he didn't want her to be alone, and the thought of her having to spend the night on his rather uncomfortable couch just wasn't right to him.

"Okay," Jerica whispered. She slowly sat up, then stood and wobbled, feeling dizzy.

Captain Pike quickly grabbed her by the arm and helped her walked to his bedroom. He pulled back the covers and then tucked her safely into bed.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Okay, sleep well, I'm right out here if you need anything."

As he turned to leave, he heard her voice.

"Captain?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you, for everything."

He smiled at her. "Always."

Jerica had never felt so safe in her entire life. Although the dread of sickbay tomorrow loomed over her, she knew it was necessary, and it made it so much easier that Captain Pike would be by her side.

She snuggled deep into the Captain's soft bed, the covers cocooning her. She could smell his scent on the sheets and pillows. It smelled heavenly. It calmed her and she imagined he was in bed with her right now, pressed up against her back, his arms around her waist, his lips against the back of her neck.

She moaned slightly, hoping one day he might see her that way, although she didn't expect it at all. It would stay a fantasy. He would be her Captain and her friend. She knew she had a true friend in him.

She smiled slightly closing her eyes and snuggling into his comforting scent slowly drifting off to sleep. She dreamt of him that night, of good things finally. She knew she'd be okay.


End file.
